Wednesday, October 19, 2011
34 Years Old, Homeless and Heartbroken
Wow. Just wow. What else can one say?
Just turned 34.
Disabled and cannot work for 3 plus years now and probably for life.
Married yet separated with no reconciliation nor divorce in sight.
Just kicked out of my step sons life for no real reason.
Homeless week two. Worst. Feeling. Ever.
Lest we not forget the heartbroken part too.
Homeless and heartbroken. What a combination.
Well, I have nothing left to say at the current moment.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Retired At 34...
There was a time in my childhood in which I may have dreamed to be retired in my 30's. That dream has become reality for me, though not quite how I imagined it back in the day. No, I dreamed of racing my way to millions or inventing the "next best thing". No way did I imagine my body would start failing and I would become all but an invalid. Thankfully I still have all my limbs and most everything works like it did when I came out of the factory but the wounds I have cannot be seen. There is no known rhyme or reason for the pain I endure. Test after test the answer is still the same.
Everyday is a challenge. Even on my best days do I struggle. Mornings tend to be the worst part of my day. Two of my three service-connected disabilities are at their worst in the AM's. After my morning battle, the rest of the day is a mystery. Some days I am able to grasp some normality yet others are totally prostrating and I cannot participate in average daily activities as my pain levels are between seven and nine. SERE trained or not, any pain at that level will make even the hardest of the hard break down and cry for mercy. I would take any day in that POW cell over the pain I endure on my worst days. Gladly.
Unfortunately, life is not always "fair". Take it as it comes, suck it up and drive on and only the strong survive are a couple of the motto's I have learned to live by. 10 years after I raised my right hand and swore my oath to this great country, to protect life, liberty, FREEDOM. For three years I struggled with a very low disability rating from the VA. For three long, hard years I have endured severe and chronic pain. Not that my pain has subsided or dissipated but the VA has finally given my a disability rating closer to what I deserve.
The weight of the world has finally been lifted and I can again see the light of hope. Hooray! Here I am on the verge of 34 and retired. Not quite what I had imagined, but not having to stress over how I shall survive anymore is a great feeling, even more so now that I can insure my son's future in this wretched world. Do not take me wrong, I would gladly take my health over disability retirement ANY day. I remember my great sense of pride in accomplishment and I miss those days. I suppose that is why my grandfather worked til he was nearly 80 years old.
Have a dub day!
Everyday is a challenge. Even on my best days do I struggle. Mornings tend to be the worst part of my day. Two of my three service-connected disabilities are at their worst in the AM's. After my morning battle, the rest of the day is a mystery. Some days I am able to grasp some normality yet others are totally prostrating and I cannot participate in average daily activities as my pain levels are between seven and nine. SERE trained or not, any pain at that level will make even the hardest of the hard break down and cry for mercy. I would take any day in that POW cell over the pain I endure on my worst days. Gladly.
Unfortunately, life is not always "fair". Take it as it comes, suck it up and drive on and only the strong survive are a couple of the motto's I have learned to live by. 10 years after I raised my right hand and swore my oath to this great country, to protect life, liberty, FREEDOM. For three years I struggled with a very low disability rating from the VA. For three long, hard years I have endured severe and chronic pain. Not that my pain has subsided or dissipated but the VA has finally given my a disability rating closer to what I deserve.
The weight of the world has finally been lifted and I can again see the light of hope. Hooray! Here I am on the verge of 34 and retired. Not quite what I had imagined, but not having to stress over how I shall survive anymore is a great feeling, even more so now that I can insure my son's future in this wretched world. Do not take me wrong, I would gladly take my health over disability retirement ANY day. I remember my great sense of pride in accomplishment and I miss those days. I suppose that is why my grandfather worked til he was nearly 80 years old.
Have a dub day!
Sunday, October 2, 2011
My First Time...
Life is full of FIRSTS. First crush, first kiss, first love...those are the most common referred to firsts as memories of love and affection are usually one's happiest thoughts and memories. What about our first hockey game, first time catching a baseball, first time tasting a new candy? These firsts are best remembered by others as they have helped you experience these. Now I cannot remember the first time I had my favorite candy nor can I remember my first catch of the baseball; though I do remember my first time ever riding a motorcycle solo. What an awesome and great feeling that was, especially since I was so young at a mere 6 years old.
There is nothing more awesome than introducing one's offspring to new and wonderful things. Sharing that first taste of Big League Chew and watching his face explode with excitement and wonder gives back such a fulfilling feeling. As I journey through this life with my son, I tend to make it a goal to find something new and exciting to try as often as possible. Although, oneself must remember to nurture and feed those activities they enjoy most and talk about often. Try not to overload your youngster with too much new at once as well. Help them to understand these new things, teach them the how's or why's as your child will be asking those often. My son and I recently had some great firsts. For over a month I searched and scoured every gas station, convenience store and local grocery market to find some Big League Chew. Nowhere could it be found. Thankful for the internet, I tracked down the manufacturer of BLC and emailed them a letter requesting assistance finding their distributors. Within a couple of days the email was responded to and I was contacting the stores recommended by Ford Gum. Now, my 4 year old has had bubblegum before but he has NEVER enjoyed gum this much. Who can resist those fresh, sweet shredded strips of chewy awesomeness!? I for one, have never been able to resist them, especially the other flavors. While visiting Big League Chew's website I noticed there was a new Watermelon flavor. My new goal is to find some of this and eat a whole pouch at once. No seriously though, watermelon has to be my favorite flavored candy, drink or whatever. I remember my first watermelon Sprite. A drink I concocted while working at a Sonic Drive In many years ago. A simple yet very delicious mix.
Hockey season is upon us and my love for the game has been rekindled as I plan on getting my son into the sport. We have been hitting the ice rinks, another recent first for my boy. We ventured to a local hockey game and what a blast we both had. Technically, that was only my third game ever watching live, but as a former player, I have "viewed" many games from my crease in front of the net. There is something about being in the crowd, watching the checks and slap shots, how can anyone NOT smile and have a great time? Even though there is alcohol at every sporting event in our country, I personally do not feel uncomfortable at an ice hockey game like I would at a football game or even a motorsports race.The hockey arena atmosphere is much more chill. Maybe it's the cool, crisp air or maybe my younger memories of times in the arena bring about such a euphoria. No matter why, good times are always had near the ice.
Relish and treasure those ever so awesome and radical firsts but also feed the seconds and thirds and so on. Just remember to have fun, tread lightly and good things are sure to pass.
Have a dub day!
There is nothing more awesome than introducing one's offspring to new and wonderful things. Sharing that first taste of Big League Chew and watching his face explode with excitement and wonder gives back such a fulfilling feeling. As I journey through this life with my son, I tend to make it a goal to find something new and exciting to try as often as possible. Although, oneself must remember to nurture and feed those activities they enjoy most and talk about often. Try not to overload your youngster with too much new at once as well. Help them to understand these new things, teach them the how's or why's as your child will be asking those often. My son and I recently had some great firsts. For over a month I searched and scoured every gas station, convenience store and local grocery market to find some Big League Chew. Nowhere could it be found. Thankful for the internet, I tracked down the manufacturer of BLC and emailed them a letter requesting assistance finding their distributors. Within a couple of days the email was responded to and I was contacting the stores recommended by Ford Gum. Now, my 4 year old has had bubblegum before but he has NEVER enjoyed gum this much. Who can resist those fresh, sweet shredded strips of chewy awesomeness!? I for one, have never been able to resist them, especially the other flavors. While visiting Big League Chew's website I noticed there was a new Watermelon flavor. My new goal is to find some of this and eat a whole pouch at once. No seriously though, watermelon has to be my favorite flavored candy, drink or whatever. I remember my first watermelon Sprite. A drink I concocted while working at a Sonic Drive In many years ago. A simple yet very delicious mix.
Hockey season is upon us and my love for the game has been rekindled as I plan on getting my son into the sport. We have been hitting the ice rinks, another recent first for my boy. We ventured to a local hockey game and what a blast we both had. Technically, that was only my third game ever watching live, but as a former player, I have "viewed" many games from my crease in front of the net. There is something about being in the crowd, watching the checks and slap shots, how can anyone NOT smile and have a great time? Even though there is alcohol at every sporting event in our country, I personally do not feel uncomfortable at an ice hockey game like I would at a football game or even a motorsports race.The hockey arena atmosphere is much more chill. Maybe it's the cool, crisp air or maybe my younger memories of times in the arena bring about such a euphoria. No matter why, good times are always had near the ice.
Relish and treasure those ever so awesome and radical firsts but also feed the seconds and thirds and so on. Just remember to have fun, tread lightly and good things are sure to pass.
Have a dub day!
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